Is my dancing days over?

I don't know right now, I wanted to learn really bad but i've fell so deep, I can't even remember a choreography, our fantastic teacher belives in it's all in my head, she tells me I can do it, but I don't know, I just feel worthless, a loser with tiny feet. It sounds funny but I guarantee it isn't, it's not good for the balance to have shoesize 35 when you're 1,66 and have short toes. I fall a lot.

We started off with two hours of dancing this morning, but I just couldn't do it, I had already changed my clothes, but I just couldn't, I had a total breakdown and I was freezing with 2 sweaters and my winterjacket, when that happens you know there's something wrong, I just felt totally like I'm in the way, the other girls are great dancers and they expresses the right feeling, they know the choreography, I just don't look good while dancing, I look like I were just pulled in there by mistake, I don't do the right moves and I don't have the same grace as they have and as I should have.

Nobody's angel

I feel so fat today, so swollen and disgusting. Well, that's because I am, but I wish I didn't have to feel it. My neck is totally swollen for some reason, I don't know why, and i'm feeling colder than usual, I get chills constantly, I chop teeth indoors. That's sucky. I need to take a nap or something and then head out running, I need to continue running, I need to get skinny. I'm not skinny - so i'm fat, that's how my body works. I'm either or, there's no inbetween, if I could look hot without being skinny, I would go for that, but I couldn't be. I'm so freakishly disgusting, I am talking from 12 years of experience of being told. I wish i'd realized it earlier, but I just kept my childish view of what I were, but it's true, no guy wants a fat girlfriend.

I wish I had the beauty of her

Me and a friend walked around in the city for a while, just strolled around, I actually bought muffins, I already regret it, because I know i'm fat and weak so i'll probably eat. As if the food wasn't bad enouge, well, i'll have to make the best of it then. Drink a lot of water, mineral water and lowfat milk. And not that much food, I need to cut down on it. I'm gonna be gaining instead of losing if I don't get a grip soon, i'll be treating myself to something better than any food when I reach my goal, that is if I can afford it, I really, really wish I do.








Today at lunch we had the mustard potatoesalad like yesterday, also some vegitarian pie, it was pretty ok. And also a wallmobread of course, and lowfat milk, I wish they served the 0,1% milk too, they only serve the 0,5% now.. But I guess it's ok. I love milk anyway, it's almost better than diet cola... unfortunatley contains more calories, so.. that's bad. I wish it didn't. I kinda wish I wake up one day and i'm skinny and all of this is just a nightmare, like i'm waking up and i'm naturally skinny and I look good and this thing was all in my head, it was all a dream. Me being ugly and disgusting was all a horrible nightmare. I would miss the fun times I had, but those times are over, so what does it matter?

I actually MPI'ed this one, pretty crappy though, I know.

Well, what to say, what to say.. I don't have much else to wright at the moment, nothing that isn't already obvious, my nick is Lillita Luv, should have been changed to Lillita Unloved. But whatever, I lived this way for a long time, but I don't want to anymore, yada, yada, yada.. Nothing too unusual. I'm just gonna rest now and then go out for a run.

Love ya'll sexy bitches <3 /LillyRose aka Lillita Luv


-----------------------------------------


Update;
My short nap turned out to be a 3½ hour cinderella sleep, lol. I'm in a very much better mood now. Now food and run up next!

/Lillita Luv <3