Bad again

I feel unloved. Maybe because I am, maybe because i'm not loved, never have been. Nothing in this life is good or happy, because i'm incapable of doing anything good. And who loves imperfection? Nobody, we search for perfection in the other person, but when someone is a failure, what perfection is there to see? Nothing, empty, but full of emotions and soul, which must be concidered bad, emotions lead to actions, actions leads to showing of worse sides of yourself. Imperfection must be fought off, perfection is a must, it's something that's neccessary for survival, most people have some kind of perfection, everybody I know have some kind of perfection, that is what makes them survive, I don't. I don't have a great ability to survive, I don't have perfection. No part of me is perfection, no part of me is close. Eventhough I try. I wish I had something, maybe if I were the pretty girl, it would be at least a little bit better. The pretty and skinny girl is loved, people care, people see, people actually look for, somebody look for, even if it's just one, somebody sees, somebody cares, somebody loves, but this isn't my world, it's the world I want but can't have, the world I belived I could have, the world I belived I was getting. Something better, something to take focus off my life, my past, everything. Maybe searching for the will to live for someone. I don't live alone, I live for someone or not at all. But when you recive hate back, you lose the will anyway.

Perfection is the only way, nobody wants to die from the beginning, who wants to be buried six feet under with maggots eating them up, who wants to be burned to ashes? Not me.